One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
