omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
