i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
