if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
