i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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