We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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