wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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