Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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