I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
