Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
