Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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