Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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