This is not my ceiling
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
