My brain says no but my pants say off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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