is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
