I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
