when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
