They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
