I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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