remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
