I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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