My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So much rum. So many feels.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
