it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize