Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
