Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
