My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
