Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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