yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
