anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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