the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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