it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
