New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
