nut hugger
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
