Apparently you make a good broom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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