Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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