He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
