Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
