CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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