I hate all girls vehemently.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
