Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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