...so i touched it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
