just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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