Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
