I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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