O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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