I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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