omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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