no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
