You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
