found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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