It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
