I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
