im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
