in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
