I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize