Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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