You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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