i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
