He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
