i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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