I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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