just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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