if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dad just said "fuck circus"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
