I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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