So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
