He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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