Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
