If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
