i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
