i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
